Week 5-Nonviolent Communication and Conflict Management

Recently, I have been struggling to maintain my report with a Parent.  Her daughter has had temperature well over 100 and our school policy is to send that child home for 24 hours when it spikes like that.  The mother feels her daughter is not sick, while the school sees something different (temperature and extreme behavior that is untypical).  She was so unset when we called the second day when she had a fever that she showed major resistance to picking up her daughter.

My Principal took the brunt of the verbal attacks and I ignored.  I knew that she was not mad at any of us, but mad at the situation.  It is very difficult for her to take time off of work and I cannot imagine doing that as a single mom with 5 children.  Yesterday, there was a family team meeting and I used some strategies I learned this week from the Nonviolent Communication website.  I was very clear and specific in my concerns and expressed what I/the school needed. I focused on my main concern and expressed how a plan needed to be in place.

So... my two strategies were
1) Ignoring until the person had time to calm down (aka taking all their concerns into consideration), therefore leading us to both engage in effective communication.
2) being very concise and specific in my concerns. 


How have you learned to be more effective communicators as it relates to conflict resolution skills?

Week 4- Who am I as a communicator?

I ended up having more than two people evaluate my communication because each score I received was within 2-4 points of how I scored myself.  I wanted to see if I looked beyond family and colleagues if people perceived me differently. Well all the scores that I gathered where nonetheless the same, but this did come to a surprise to me. 


The verbal aggression quiz was the most interesting.  I think of myself as a passive person and I try to avoid conflict.  I came out in the moderate section, which I am glad that I did.  I thought that I might score in the no verbal aggression. I was happy to see that both my scores and my colleagues/friends scores were the same, I guess I am not as passive as I thought I was.  This is good for me to know because sometimes I lack the confidence to stand up for what I am fighting for, this quiz shows me that I am using effective strategies to get my point across without demeaning the other person. 


I was also not surprised that I fell into group one on the learning styles quiz.  I am very trusting of people that I am working with, parents, friends, etc.  I have noticed that sometimes this does not treat me very well.  For example, this year I fully trusted a parent and we had really great communication about her son.  One day the physiologist that I worked with came to me and that parents had called her to express how much she disliked me and everything I was doing.  I felt we had built a strong rapport and we were communicating the way she wanted to communicate.  I ended up referring to my notes in all of our communication and responded to her with dated information on all of her complaints about me.  Since then I feel that I have lost trust in her and I cannot believe what she is telling me because she could just go behind my back and do it all over again. 

Week 3- Communication and Culture

Thinking about the way I communicate is very appropriate at this time in my life.  Recently, my very long term boyfriend and I broke up, while we had a fabulous time together, we decided to no longer continue our relationship because of his lack of communication.  



 I thought about our two families and how polar opposite they were from each other in the way we communicate with each other.  My family very open, mushy gushy in how much we love and respect one another.  We always keep in contact no matter where we are in the world, whether it be skype or taking pictures of something that reminds us of them. 
My boyfriends family, whom I love, was not super into each other lives.  No serious conversations about life with them.  It was mostly just surface level joking around, fun, yet not intimate.  This is obviously a cultural difference, yet it became an issue between the two of us.  
I found that I was trying to not get into deep conversations with him and his family.  I was communicating differently  in a way that was comfortable for them.  After months of working on communication I told him how I needed to communicate and it was just too hard for him to open up.  I understand that it can be uncomfortable to talk about future hopes and dreams, but it was something that I needed and he could not do it.



After reflecting on this I do change the way that I communicate with people based on several variables.  I often change the way I communicate based on how I am viewing their communication.  For example, my God-Parents have a very different political affiliation then I do.  I love them so so much, that I do not want to get into political conversations with them because their beliefs are very strong. 
I communicate differently in different settings.  With friends I am very relaxed and even my closest colleagues at school.  With parents I am fairly formal, but I also try to show them my real side, kind of a quorkie humor. I do this to help them realize that I am a real person and to try an make connections with each of them. In other groups where I am new I am more formal.  I think that it would be impossible to communicate the same with everyone because we are all so different.  I think that I also adapt my communication style to suite the needs of the people I am with.  This is good when you are meeting new people, but just like with life communication with a person needs to evolve over time to help build strong relationships. Think about the cultural diversity you see in your colleagues at school, in your neighborhood, in your workplace, and also, possibly, within your family. Consider all the aspects that make up culture, including race, religion, political affiliation, sexual orientation, varying abilities, and so on.

Three strategies that I use when communication with different people:
1) Keeping it formal at first, as I slowly get to know individuals I open to my humorous side. 
2) Listen to what people are saying, when I first meet families I write down in the students files anything important they told me (what they liked to be called, special interests, etc).  I hope that this helps me build a unique relationship with each of them.
3) I try not to make per-judgements on the first meeting or second or third, etc.... I do this because last year I was told I was getting a hard to work with parent.  Before our first meeting I dropped all of what I heard, listen to her and we build a relationship.  She is one of my most favorite parents and is absolutely delightful. It is hard to take away our per-judgements, but it turns out it is a way better feeling to have that relationship instead of the negativity.
 

Week 2- Communication Skills: Language, Nonverbal, Listening

 I picked a video from the Disney Channel, one that I had never heard of.  I wanted to look at a video that was directed at children, so that I could see how some of my students might interpret the show.

I chose the show Austin & Ally.  I started to watch it without sound, Austin dropped his ice cream on his pants and then took off his pants and make an ice cream sandwich with it (and then ate it). Then it showed him with another girl on the computer and they had a conversation and walked around the music store.  A girl in a pirate outfit came in followed by a boy in a pirate outfit.  The girl was animated and it looked like she did not like the other boy in the pirate outfit.  All four of them talked.  It showed photos of Austin running into walls and having broccoli in his teeth. Then the girl with the pirate outfit laughed and Austin looked sad.


I had no idea what the show was about but what I found out after watching it with sound that Austin was being targeted by a bully and embarrassing pictures where being posted of him by a girl on her blog. Hearing Austin talk it was clear that he was upset during the show but without the sound he did not look very upset until the very end. It was confusing without sound as to why people were dressed up as pirates but with sound is was obvious it was for their jobs. Also, the girl dressed as a pirate was clearly making fun of Austin the whole time she was talking.


If I knew the show well I might assume that Austin gets himself into pickles all the time or would have known his relationships with his peers.


What I got from this assignment is first, how valuable language can be and second, how difficult it must be for people who are not speaking the native language to pick up on nonverbal cues if they are not obvious.  For example in the show I could not tell Austin was sad until the end.  This is a good reminder to choose your facial expressions wisely and use them in appropriate ways.

 

What Is Communication? Week 1

When I think of excellent communicators I envision my IEP meetings that I conduct so very often.   I know exactly who demonstrates competent communication.  The Occupational Therapist that I work is very articulate, knowledgeable and has a great demeanor. He is an effective communicator because he is able to literally back up each comment or suggestion with research. This really helps when we are in meetings with Parents who are very concerned about their child because he is able to share so much information with them. He also is very personable with each set of parents that we work with and strives to make connections with each of them.  Being calm is another way he is an effective communicator, he can quickly shift the meeting from a heated one to a happy one.  I feel that he is so knowledgeable about our field that he is able to back up everything he says.  I would like to model my own communication behaviors after him.  I can get flustered and stumble over my words and I wish that I could remember research that I have read so that I can share it in a meeting. 


I also think that being a competent communicator takes time and with each meeting I get better at communicating my thoughts and ideas.  Do you agree?


***Side note




Dr. Seuss' birthday is my absolute favorite (okay really it is Dr. Seuss week)! I love love reading all of his books to my students!   


AND


My favorite quote! :)

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” - Dr. Seuss