Week 3- Communication and Culture

Thinking about the way I communicate is very appropriate at this time in my life.  Recently, my very long term boyfriend and I broke up, while we had a fabulous time together, we decided to no longer continue our relationship because of his lack of communication.  



 I thought about our two families and how polar opposite they were from each other in the way we communicate with each other.  My family very open, mushy gushy in how much we love and respect one another.  We always keep in contact no matter where we are in the world, whether it be skype or taking pictures of something that reminds us of them. 
My boyfriends family, whom I love, was not super into each other lives.  No serious conversations about life with them.  It was mostly just surface level joking around, fun, yet not intimate.  This is obviously a cultural difference, yet it became an issue between the two of us.  
I found that I was trying to not get into deep conversations with him and his family.  I was communicating differently  in a way that was comfortable for them.  After months of working on communication I told him how I needed to communicate and it was just too hard for him to open up.  I understand that it can be uncomfortable to talk about future hopes and dreams, but it was something that I needed and he could not do it.



After reflecting on this I do change the way that I communicate with people based on several variables.  I often change the way I communicate based on how I am viewing their communication.  For example, my God-Parents have a very different political affiliation then I do.  I love them so so much, that I do not want to get into political conversations with them because their beliefs are very strong. 
I communicate differently in different settings.  With friends I am very relaxed and even my closest colleagues at school.  With parents I am fairly formal, but I also try to show them my real side, kind of a quorkie humor. I do this to help them realize that I am a real person and to try an make connections with each of them. In other groups where I am new I am more formal.  I think that it would be impossible to communicate the same with everyone because we are all so different.  I think that I also adapt my communication style to suite the needs of the people I am with.  This is good when you are meeting new people, but just like with life communication with a person needs to evolve over time to help build strong relationships. Think about the cultural diversity you see in your colleagues at school, in your neighborhood, in your workplace, and also, possibly, within your family. Consider all the aspects that make up culture, including race, religion, political affiliation, sexual orientation, varying abilities, and so on.

Three strategies that I use when communication with different people:
1) Keeping it formal at first, as I slowly get to know individuals I open to my humorous side. 
2) Listen to what people are saying, when I first meet families I write down in the students files anything important they told me (what they liked to be called, special interests, etc).  I hope that this helps me build a unique relationship with each of them.
3) I try not to make per-judgements on the first meeting or second or third, etc.... I do this because last year I was told I was getting a hard to work with parent.  Before our first meeting I dropped all of what I heard, listen to her and we build a relationship.  She is one of my most favorite parents and is absolutely delightful. It is hard to take away our per-judgements, but it turns out it is a way better feeling to have that relationship instead of the negativity.